So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're like the curious george of whores
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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