I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ladies don't puke and tell
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
