nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
