At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
