So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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