You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
