I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
