the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
