love makes seman taste better
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
