i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
