i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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