Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
