She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
