Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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