Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
