awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
