one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
