we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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