Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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