Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
