I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
