Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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