Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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