Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
