the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
