my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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