this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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