First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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