The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
