life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
