take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
