so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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