It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
