My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
