Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
