Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't deserve a penis
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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