Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
