We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
