Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
