I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
