If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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