its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
