last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
