Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
