There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
