just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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