I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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