just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
