when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
