Is it because I queefed?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
