Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
