i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
