they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
even my farts smell like vagina
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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