Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
