I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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