What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
