At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
