Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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