My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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