bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
