Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
