when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
jump out the window naked night went bad
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
