Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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