I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
