Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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