Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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