I met the friendliest cop last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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