Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
