By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
