From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
