ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
