So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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