don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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