so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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