the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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