I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
