you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
