i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
