im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
