can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
