Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
