Kiss
Puke
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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