I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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