whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And then he peed in my hair
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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