If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
