I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am one with the molecules
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
