there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
