Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
