k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
