I accidentally burped into my bong.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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