But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
