I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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