He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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