I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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