i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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