What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize