his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
