Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
