Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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